Hanging on... by a thread

I called this morning to ask about the convenience or probability of scheduling an induction for the same day after my appointment on Friday {since it is early morning}, and I got bumped to an appointment tomorrow instead.

{yeah! I will take it!}

I will be having a complete biophysical profile done via ultrasound to determine most importantly, the amniotic fluid levels, the heart rate during movement, and the blood vessels in the cord.

 

Then, I will be having a post ultrasound check up with yet another Nurse Practitioner since my doctor isn't in on Thursday's.

But, given the results... including whether or not I have dilated past 2cm at this point, we are going to decide a game plan for Friday.

Yes. This Friday.

 {induction? YES.}

I am frustrated.

You can tell I am frustrated.

 

 

I keep trying to get into a mental state where I can imagine myself going into labor, since a lot of times, your mind is the only thing holding you back.

I imagine that I am having contractions, and I have been having contractions actually... since Sunday.

Not so much today though.

They are sporadic. And very much like Braxton Hicks.

They don't last but 30-35 seconds and are spaced a good ten minutes apart or more when they are present.

 

 

 

I have tried doing acupressure points on my hands and feet, as indicated in the {many} you-tube videos I have watched to make sure I am doing it right.

I have been walking up and down the stairs.

Moving furniture. Okay just a sofa table and Nash's dresser. But still.

I have swept the house.

I have been sitting on the floor in an Indian style formation, feet touching... knees out.

We actually had a dance party in the basement yesterday while Nadie napped, because I had seen a post about "dancing the baby out" to start labor.

I have used my husband.

We rode around on a bouncing, bumping boat.

I have eaten spicy food.

I know there are a lot of women out there that would just tell you to wait it out.

Believe me, I have heard them.

 

But let me try and put into words how it feels to be where I am.

A deadline for something such as a birth, is something very exciting to look forward to. 

Kind of like a huge vacation that you have had planned for a year.

You look forward to it.

And as the days get closer, you anticipate how things will go, what you will do, what you will see, ect.

 Then, the day comes when you are supposed to leave for said vacation.

And instead of leaving, your plane is no where to be found. And worse yet, they aren't sure there is going to be a plane to get you there any time soon.

And that you are just going to have to wait.

Meanwhile, all your hopes for this well planned "vacation"... are crumbling.

{realize that I am not actually comparing a birth to a vacation here}

 

But, this is where I am.

Crumbling.

Crumbling into a state of surrender.

Surrender to the fact that I am just one of those women that need that nudge from medical advances {in the form of a liquid medication to induce contractions} to get my labor going.

 

I am less confident every day that passes, that going into labor is something I will experience on my own.

Especially since my contractions won't even happen on more of a pattern yet for a longer period of time.

 

Anyways.

Just wanted to update again.

And will of course put forth the "agenda" after my appointment tomorrow.

 

Until then...